I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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