We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
