I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
