her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
