The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
