would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize