I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
