Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
