well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
