My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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