On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
