a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
