OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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