he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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