Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
