Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
