new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Shame - the story of my life.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
