Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
