we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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