So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm sobbing to NWA
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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