you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
