i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
