If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize