Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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