i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
