just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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