I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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