i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
