Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize