Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
