I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
