I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize