I wish I could teleport
I just threw up on my dentist
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
