I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
