dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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