just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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