Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
