There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
