Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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