haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
