How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
