His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Sacagawea was the original milf.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
