Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
