just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
