I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
