WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
sex in a hospital.. check
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
false alarm, still single
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
