Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize