Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
