How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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