the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
