shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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