another moral hangover. fuck.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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