You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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