Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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