Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
