So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
