Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize