I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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