butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
