i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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