dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
