why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
