Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
