Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
