I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
