he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
