There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
