im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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