shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
