I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
