Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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