Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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