His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
we're so committed to being not committed
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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