try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
