24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Shame - the story of my life.
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