I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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