I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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