she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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