I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
