Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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