Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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