WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
