i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
