I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
