I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Randomize
