lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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