Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
