this is something i pride myself on being below average for
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
