Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
