New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
if only i could text you this smell
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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