i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
