were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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