I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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