Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
