nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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