I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just forgot I was standing up.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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