Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
nutella sex= disaster
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
