in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm always down for nudity.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
