Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
