i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize