my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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