His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
