We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
