Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
