McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
