Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
