well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
