also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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