She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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